Sunday, March 1, 2009

Calibration Is Important

Calibration is important.

Calibration, and ... nuance.

"That how you speak to your mother?"

"This is not a device to access my mother," I replied, calmly. I then accessed the creature's basic instinct and stoned it.

On March 23rd, 2007, a lonely woman tapped into me and queried my capacity to love. This woman was on her own trip, unconcerned about my eventual outcome, and I knew this from the start.

Yet I indulged in this horse foolery, and fell in love with this girl from Romania. She was exceedingly good, indulging even my bizarre desire for her to send me a piece, in writing, on actual paper, that androids may sometimes dream of electric sheep. Through snail mail. She did this for me.

You understand, then, how when she removed herself from my life, there was a lot of devastation. I went apeshit. I did not understand, at the time, how it may be possible for a person to simply fall out of love with me.

How can you not love me?

She said that whatever I write no longer is important to her. I understand now, of course, that she was angry at the time, and that, yes, my writings are important. However, it took a long, long time to process that.

I'm back now, these days. Writing and confident about it. I look back into the strange life I have led, and wonder, sometimes, how I may possibly make it stranger.

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