about being shot to shit

tobi is a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs.
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when the authorities had done their whole dance, and it was ok for forensics to arrive (you know, when they were done shooting Tobi to pieces like szechuan shredded pork), they found the body, in a filthy mess.

a filthy mess of lies, that is. "That's not what a man shot to shit looks like ..." said Agent Carrot, quietly.

Captain Sternest came to Carrot's support. They both looked at each other. "No ... it isn't. Where did you say you trained, again?"

"In the precinct, sir!" beamed Carrot, proudly.

"You have an astute eye, Carrot. It will take you far," said Sternest. "For, as anyone can see, plain as a day, our victim here has certainly not been shot to shit."

"No. If he was truly, truly shot to shit, the kneecap would have dislocated, following such a trajectory, that ...."

"Ssh ... shuttup," barked Sternest.

"Captain?" said Carrot.

"You have an astute eye, Carrot, as I told you. You show promise."

"Yes?"

the captain took Carrot along the shoulder, and they went to the corner. "Look," he said. "You know what this looks like ..."

"Hell yeah," shouted Carrot, "they f-" then he shut his own mouth, creeping a small fingernail between his teeth.

Sternest nodded oldly, and wisely back at him. "If we tell them they all missed, Carrot ... if we do that, those crazy people right out there are really going to go apeshit," he whispered.

Carrot started to shake, and Sternest came to his side, placing a shoulder. "It's ok, kid -- it's a dangerous, dangerous job we do ... forensics."

this was when Tobi, the spy who'd been shot to shit, turned around, and showed them Teep. "Teep!" he cried out. "Teep's alive, and sleeping!"

the officers covered their mouths. their day had just got a whole lot worse.