Friday, September 11, 2009

Baig's Top Five Phrases for Corporate Domination!!!

Mastering the use of these five simple time-tested phrases will ensure smooth ascension through the dog-eat-dog ranks of corporate employment.

#05: "Right right right"

Said quickly in repetition, just as written above. For example:

Allen: Well, you see my mother died this weekend -

Jake: (Cutting in) Right right right - so when is the Christmas party again?

#04: "Imminently"

Use to indicate how soon everything will be alright, and that there is really nothing to fuss about. Serves to both diminish noise from opponent and to imply the opponent's lower standing. For example:

Q: When the hell will that damn bug get fixed, you goddamn sonofabitch? Everything is falling apart here!

A: Imminently.

#03: "Clearly"

Can be used as a prefix to almost any statement. For example:

a) Clearly you have not followed my instructions, Mr. Jones.

b) Clearly profit margins this quarter will not please investors - how do you aim to recuperate losses?.

c) Clearly she will be saddened by her termination.

d) Clearly it is raining outside.

#02: "Nice try"

Use to demean another's effort. Best used when you have an actual follow up that reveals your opponent's weakness, but can also simply be used ambigously, to create FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt) in the opponent. For example:

Bob: "Dude! I finally arrived at my thesis!"

Sam: "Nice try Bob..."

#01: "Silence"

Use to neutralize any offense. For example:

Jim: It appears you have lost this round, colleague...

Alex: Silence.


#00: "Take care"

Used ubiquitiously as a moderate, impersonal goodbye. Doesn't really mean anything in most contexts besides warzones. 'Take care' of what exactly? Can also be used to underwhelm any prior grievance. For example:

Nathan: Man, you've totally screwed me! My whole life's savings are all gone down the shithole!

Cosmo: Take care... (waves and steps out of the office)

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