Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Five Strokes

First time, when I had a stroke, it was in the middle of an educational program. Children were teaching me how to use a 'VCR'. I had taken one of the tapes, and had peered at the film before it was developed. A brave child then walked up to me, and snatched the tape away. It (I don't remember what sex it was) had demanded that I was ruining 'everything'.

I responded in (what I think was) a cool fashion. "Well then give me a computer where I can not have to worry about such horrible things as ruining everything of yours."

"I'm going to call my mother," said the baby.

"Go ahead," I replied, rolling my eyes. The baby went off, and I watched it, running away in its comfortable new nappy.

Then the Mother came over. I began to have my second stroke. She was saying a lot of things, showing me how a lot of instructions are usually provided. "No matter what you do, you are going to die!" she had yelled. I had my third stroke.

Next time I found out where the fuck I was, I learned I was in the kitchen at The Deli. The Deli. Not just 'a deli' but The. Somebody walked to me and said: "Sorry you weren't hired at our computer graphics company in Iowa. Small as it may be. Now wash the bloody dishes."

I concentrated on the dishes, focusing on why they may be bloody. I didn't see any blood anywhere. Just the remnants of human mastication. I had my fourth stroke at this point, focusing on the dishes. Then some asshole came in wondering why the 'chain' was not moving faster.

When I woke up, I found myself in the arms of probably the best thing since the universe exploded. From that universe, only one thing had survived -- a time capsule. Some woman named 'Kate' had left it there, with her childhood 'friend', whose name it is not my job to remember. "Everybody is going to hate you, Kate," I told the woman. She just laughed in my face and said, "What about everybody?" Frightened, I opened the capsule (standing in space itself, sans a uniform), and I read through the contents. This is when I had my fifth stroke.

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