Best Possible Excuse for Not Going On the Job

Apple fanboys can stop becoming excited. This is not about your fearless leader.

"Well then what the hell is it about, then?" asked one of them.

"I was sitting down by myself, trying to come up with the best possible excuse to not go to jobs."

"Yes, you explained in the damn title. I'm waiting for an answer."

I nodded guiltily. "Oh. Ok. Well, one thing that I was thinking about is to just tell them that my brain is not working anymore."

He laughed in my face. "You can't just say that."

I stared back. "Why not? Why couldn't I say it?"

Like someone who has much greater knowledge, his response was very calculated. "You cannot just say that and remain employed," he explained, carefully.

I looked back at my excuse. "It is a reasonable statement," I tried. "If my brain is not working, how can I possibly work?"

He shook his head. "You don't understand," he responded. "You are no longer employed by Metacortex. You are no longer ITs employee." He took a deep breath. "You see ... once ... there was a relationship. Now there is no more relationship. Anyway, why am I explaining shit to you? I thought this was an interview where I am supposed to be the interviewer."

"Okay. Well then, I'm just going to quit," I told him.

"Look ... maybe we can come to some kind of ... arrangement," he said.

I smiled widely. "Oh, now you want to come to an .... arrangement, eh?"

"How stupid are you?"

"I am very stupid," I told him, immediately.