The 'Buster' Sword Is Not The Same As The 'Bastard' Sword

(02:48:49 AM) Merlot: agh, you made mistakes
(02:48:52 AM) Merlot: its hard not to
(02:48:59 AM) Merlot: women should let men do these mistakes
(02:49:06 AM) Merlot: we have a natural need for multipiplicity
(02:49:08 AM) riverfr0zen: i didn't so much *make* mistakes as be *perceived* as making them
(02:49:59 AM) riverfr0zen: because of my wayward ways and loose nature, she somehow got it into her head that i was cheating on her
(02:50:15 AM) riverfr0zen: that's the big killer
(02:50:52 AM) riverfr0zen: where you didn't even do anything, and you still get blamed for it. and the this relationship you have just goes 'poof'
(02:51:31 AM) riverfr0zen: this relationship that you cherish, and value
(02:51:52 AM) riverfr0zen: how much am i paying you by the hour, btw?
(02:52:08 AM) Merlot: women are crazy
(02:52:23 AM) Merlot: lol your not
(02:52:36 AM) riverfr0zen: thank god
(02:52:41 AM) riverfr0zen: ;)
(02:53:03 AM) Merlot: you should give me your phone number, so I can make an account on craigslist for you lol
(02:55:02 AM) riverfr0zen: doesn't matter. the phone doesn't work too well
(02:55:44 AM) riverfr0zen: apparently motorola Razr v3 is not as robust as they make it out to be. either that, or att sucks
(02:56:20 AM) Merlot: wel i would have craigslist send you a text message ;) and then you would tell me what it is ;)
(02:56:24 AM) Merlot: but
(02:56:28 AM) Merlot: they know my fucking IP anyways
(02:56:51 AM) riverfr0zen: lol ip based filtering
(02:57:13 AM) riverfr0zen: i got ip filtered once
(02:57:55 AM) riverfr0zen: on a poetry forum, when i practically blew up cos of this aforementioned woman
(02:58:08 AM) Merlot: lol
(02:58:18 AM) Merlot: was she as annoying as the one on my website
(02:58:24 AM) Merlot: where shes always saying how depressed she is
(02:58:25 AM) Merlot: in the poem
(02:58:34 AM) Merlot: its only annoying cause she doesn't even fucking comment
(02:58:39 AM) Merlot: i am about to stop posting her stuff
(02:59:10 AM) riverfr0zen: she was not annoying. just was able to make me do things i would normally not do
(03:00:26 AM) riverfr0zen: she made me go into this museum where the road gets all swirly and at the end, you can look down and say 'whoa'
(03:00:57 AM) Merlot: whoa?
(03:01:00 AM) Merlot: that would be cool
(03:01:12 AM) riverfr0zen: they have some art on the way too
(03:01:46 AM) riverfr0zen: she made me wait while she visited the museum store by herself
(03:01:54 AM) riverfr0zen: who knows what she bought there
(03:02:08 AM) Merlot: brb
(03:08:31 AM) Merlot: agh
(03:08:47 AM) Merlot: i don't get where ur going with this
(03:08:48 AM) Merlot: museum stuff
(03:11:05 AM) riverfr0zen: yeah, i know, exactly
(03:11:34 AM) riverfr0zen: you get this experience there, where you don't really know where you're going until you reach the highest level
(03:11:49 AM) riverfr0zen: then it's already time to go down
(03:12:27 AM) Merlot: i got ya
(03:12:54 AM) riverfr0zen: did i mention how they decorate the walls inside with art?
(03:13:33 AM) Merlot: lol no
(03:13:52 AM) riverfr0zen: well, they. for us, it was some print guy
(03:14:14 AM) Merlot: i hate chelsea
(03:14:19 AM) Merlot: from 2n a half men
(03:14:34 AM) riverfr0zen: haven't seen that one
(03:14:49 AM) Merlot: chelsea ex fiance of charlies
(03:14:56 AM) Merlot: she fucked him over
(03:16:09 AM) Merlot: anyways,
(03:16:12 AM) Merlot: i hate museums
(03:16:20 AM) Merlot: had two projects on museums
(03:16:26 AM) Merlot: got two bad grades
(03:16:45 AM) riverfr0zen: they're not that bad
(03:17:02 AM) riverfr0zen: i know, it can suck when they make you focus on the museum itself
(03:17:38 AM) riverfr0zen: i had to re-align my thoughts and just think 'wow, look at where i am'
(03:18:08 AM) Merlot: lol ever been to the gugenhiem
(03:18:12 AM) Merlot: or however u spell it
(03:18:24 AM) riverfr0zen: yeah, that's what they called that place
(03:18:31 AM) riverfr0zen: come to think of it
(03:18:43 AM) riverfr0zen: the guggenheim
(03:19:07 AM) riverfr0zen: i remember cos you had to walk across like ten blocks, from the momma
(03:19:11 AM) riverfr0zen: moma
(03:19:29 AM) Merlot: moma?
(03:19:48 AM) riverfr0zen: yeah, they had a museum of modern art in those days
(03:20:23 AM) riverfr0zen: i went there once
(03:20:32 AM) riverfr0zen: wearing my most futurist shoes
(03:20:48 AM) Merlot: i always wanted to go there
(03:21:08 AM) riverfr0zen: they have one in chicago too, if that's anywhere near delaware
(03:21:44 AM) riverfr0zen: i went to that one too. there i saw this piece by one anselm kiefer
(03:22:22 AM) riverfr0zen: it's a wonderful, huge piece
(03:22:32 AM) Merlot: no gug in chicago
(03:22:41 AM) Merlot: u do realize delaware is below NJ
(03:22:48 AM) Merlot: and NJ is below NY
(03:22:49 AM) Merlot: ;)
(03:22:58 AM) riverfr0zen: i'm bad at geography
(03:23:03 AM) riverfr0zen: ;)
(03:23:08 AM) Merlot: its 322 am
(03:23:29 AM) riverfr0zen: i'm bad at clocks too. not bad at history, but bad at clocks
(03:24:07 AM) riverfr0zen: don't you think clocks are kind of just geography, anyway? maps for time
(03:24:46 AM) Merlot: yep nice anaogy
(03:26:20 AM) riverfr0zen: one time i was smoking cigarettes and eating some chips, just before we were about to walk into this museum
(03:26:39 AM) riverfr0zen: happened to glance over at this art history professor
(03:27:05 AM) riverfr0zen: he just looked at me and shook his head in a 'no' motion
(03:27:26 AM) riverfr0zen: some sprite may have been involved too
(03:27:38 AM) Merlot: lol
(03:28:37 AM) riverfr0zen: i pulled out my old art box the other day
(03:28:55 AM) riverfr0zen: looking for a pair of pliers
(03:29:25 AM) Merlot: wat r they
(03:29:53 AM) riverfr0zen: that's what the man in the hardware store said, in a sassy voice
(03:30:02 AM) riverfr0zen: then i said, 'ahem', wire cutters
(03:30:58 AM) riverfr0zen: (ok, the hardware guy knows about pliers, just ad-libbing there)
(03:31:14 AM) riverfr0zen: but i digress. this is about pulling out my old art box
(03:31:25 AM) Merlot: can't make sense out of a woman
(03:31:32 AM) Merlot: 2 an half men is so straight
(03:31:44 AM) Merlot: u draw
(03:32:02 AM) riverfr0zen: apparently i did, once in my life
(03:32:48 AM) riverfr0zen: this was how magical it was. earlier in the day, i had planned to go out and see the part about chesire cats they're playing out there
(03:32:59 AM) riverfr0zen: but then i just pulled out this box
(03:33:13 AM) riverfr0zen: and it was like history in vision!
(03:33:37 AM) riverfr0zen: "Damn," i said to myself. "With this kind of shit, you don't need 3D"
(03:33:45 AM) Merlot: lol
(03:34:24 AM) riverfr0zen: let me tell you ... there was all kinds of shit in there. crayons
(03:34:43 AM) riverfr0zen: pieces of charcoal beyond carbon dating
(03:34:57 AM) Merlot: lol yep
(03:35:01 AM) Merlot: sounds like my art box
(03:35:09 AM) riverfr0zen: a pink eraser
(03:35:37 AM) riverfr0zen: calling itself 'art gum'
(03:35:57 AM) riverfr0zen: a few acrylics
(03:36:47 AM) riverfr0zen: and some fucking inks. inks. now i know the source of that nightmare about not going to class -- it must have been this illustration class i never fucking attended
(03:37:42 AM) riverfr0zen: btw, i'm just going to copy our conversation here and paste it online
(03:37:56 AM) riverfr0zen: i feel i have really evolved, in this piece
(03:39:42 AM) riverfr0zen: ur name will be altered
(03:39:51 AM) riverfr0zen: and i'll leave out the earlier parts

The Bastard of Chips

(you have to see this video before you become relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKQxyygBie0)

come on. it's the most beautiful night for a walk on the beach, wouldn't you say?

ok, a doll-

no no no. give me the food before any money goes around, exchanging hands.

you bastard. you don't have to make this harder--

oh yes, i think i do. i think i need to feel as if this is getting really hard. now let me lay it on real slow for you ... where ... is ... the ... bastard ... of chips?

Microseconds of Hurt

As Uwe gathered himself, his actual being positioning himself in front of the rock he was about to sculpt, Flaz walked in.

"Go away, Flaz," said Uwe.

"Back at this old endeavor, are you?" said Flaz. "Carving into the rock."

What Flaz did not know was how Uwe had once, in his life, crawled out of a deep and dark passage. It had been like a tunnel, except no hole. Uwe had had to break through that rock with his own hands -- his brute force -- like John Henry -- and finally he had been able to break free.

Flaz just yawned. "Your idea is inherently boring," he said. "That's the problem."

"How is making a sculpture of a Woman a failure?" said Uwe, chipping silently at his rock.

"Come on man, why don't you just go out and fuck somebody?" said Flaz.

.

It took three thousand and four hundred and thirty three years all by himself. Finally Flaz walked in. "Done, are you?" he asked.

Uwe didn't even notice. His last etch ... had been epic. The way he finally captured Her true form with a single strike. With a single infliction upon stone, upon clay, upon earth. This was Her.

"I want to be a stone too," said Flaz, smiling as he sidled next to the Great Sculpture. "And I will put my finger on it. Here."

Uwe panicked as he noticed the actual coordinates upon which Flaz was putting the finger. With only slight progression, his Beauty could be toppled.

"We will stay like this forever," smiled Flaz brilliantly, "in this pose. The sculptor and his best friend."

"You bastard," said Uwe. "End it."

"Topple it over?"

Uwe breathed in. "Yes."

"You know what would happen," said Flaz. "She would shatter, and there would be these ... microseconds of hurt, for you." He shook his head. "I will not do that to you."

"You speak as if you know it."

"Oh, I know It," said Flaz happily.

"Topple it. Push it over. Hell take it in thy arms and fling it!" cried Uwe.

"No," said Flaz, sadly. "It is only me who knows the microseconds of hurt. You are exempted. You and your 'thees' and 'thines'."

Utterances and curses came from the sculptor, the brawn, the actual earthy, touchy feely goodness of man that was Uwe. Then even more curses.

"Lolz," laughed Flaz, "I am going to pose like this forever in front of Her, your Masterpiece."

This Could Go On Forever

Like ginseng instead of blood
turn the rudder this way or that
watching fools go splat
*under* that flood.

When I was fifty-seven some mother's alien
beamed down and transmitted 'the data'
hoping to swim against hope in the paleo-
lithic errata, yo fuck that mutha.

Scribin' is better than slappin'
bitch slappin' rappin' terrapin turtle
mutated from all the ooze. ooze got google?
giggle a little then solve problems without shellac'ing.

Little did He know, little did He know,
but He wanted to know so much more
He came to me asked for some more Time,
and as you already know ... there is so much more

give me infinite. gimme infinite. forever infinite heart beat forever. infinite ...

Walking With Daddy

Mommy said that Daddy was going to take me out for a walk. She said too much time inside the house was bringing me 'inert'. This is an old trick that one parent uses to attain balance with the other parent. There are always two ...

"Okay," I shrugged. "Where you gonna take me? The park?"

"No," said Daddy. "If you go to the park, the dogs may eat you. We are going somewhere else. I am going to take you to a place where you can eat fries. With cheese. And chilli."

As the scenery revolved I flashed a terrified glance at Mommy. "Really?" said my baby eyes. "You're sending me out into the world with this mental case?"

"He's your father," she nodded. And I know that when she turned away a small tear came out of one of her eyes. The left one.

Simple Recipes for Baby Vorlons (1 > Witnessing Realization Before Realizing Witnesses

(TINY INGLORIOUS BASTERDS SPOILER WARNING, and no, baby Vorlons are not subject to movie rating schemes)

Ingredients:

1) Two sets of people who haven't seen 'Sixth Sense'. (These may be difficult to find, but that is part of the challenge of this recipe). Try Mongolia.

2) Miraculously procure theater like running girl in Inglorious Basterds. If this means making all the popcorn by yourself at 3am then you are not doing it right.

3) Modded projection unit that can invert every 30th frame with its complementary frame on the opposite end of the reel. Cheating is allowed. For example you can just toss the bloody projector and get an optical disc player with one of those fancy projection units they use at professional conferences. You will find that altering access to optical media is easier, but you will get extra points if you describe in detail the qualitative difference -- from your point of view as projectionist -- of showing movie with this apparatus as opposed to using a reel (which means you need to build the 'old school' mod as well).

Directions:

1) Show movie in 'normal mode' to Set 1 and observe reactions to ending

2) Show movie in 'modified mode' to Set 2, and note differences in collective audience response. Things you may consider: Are there more ripples caused by obstinate types who see the ending in the first few minutes, and decide to reveal it to those in their environs? Are as many couples in Set 2 holding hands as were in Set 1? Which showing caused theatre mice to pause more in the midst of their scurries?

3) Note everything, and report back to homeworld.

dude looked like eyes were tearing up

dancing is as much fun
as william shakespeare
just for fun, like buttons.

not dancing for example,
you may whet, in appetite.
what a way to whet, what?

dancing? it's as much fun
as william shakespeare.
throw a bolt, or gift of kindness.