Friday, July 10, 2009


This piece is presented very roughly, as a sort of 'original thought' from a dream. Why? You ask specific certain parts of [edited]

(note to self: replace square brackets with more interesting things)

[someguy]: Anyway, why're you askin' me about [the raviolli] in conjunction with her cunion?

Larry: (Eyes pop out for a second) I'm sorry -- her cunion? Do I want to know what that means?

[someguy]: Maybe you do, maybe you don't. If ya do, look it up on Urban Dictionary. If ya don't, whateva.

Larry: Look, all I want is for one of you to admit.

[someguy]: Admit what? Look pal -- Ozbek over there says he gives you the best ingredients, home grown.

Larry: Yeah. He said that. Does he? Are you saying he doesn't give me the best ingredients?

[someguy]: All I'm saying is I give the best ingredients too. So it's just a --

Larry: (Cutting in) No, no, you never give the best ingredients. I knew your --

[someguy]: Look. He's givin' you the best, I'm givin' you the best, it's -- it's a 'whodunit?'.

(Long pause, Larry thinking)

Larry: (Begins to laugh to himself) Oh, so it's a 'whodunit?'. No my friend, that is not a 'whodunit?'. What we have here is a 'nobody dun nothing', okay? Or possibly even a 'nobodysfresh'.

[someguy]: Naw, it's a 'whodunit?'. Like, you don't know if this guy is right or the other guy is right. You gotta snoop around, like a goddamm snoop."

Larry peers into [someguy]'s eyes carefully. [someguy] just shrugs and looks back into his eye, occasionally glancing back to make sure his rotting produce is not stolen by thieves.

[someguy]: A 'whodunit?', dude. It's a no-man's land, ma --

Larry: Ok, ok, ok, I get the idea. (Walks closer to [someguy], conspiratorially). Ok, who is this guy that came up with 'cunion'? And what does it mean?

[someguy]: Oh, I don't know Larry. I can't tell ya that. I sell only fresh ingred --

Larry: Fuck the fresh ingredients. Tell me cunion.

[someguy]: Tell you cunion?

Larry: Tell me!

[someguy]: (Reluctantly) Well ... word has it that it was a guy in Rockport, MA.

Larry: What? Rockport, MA? Isn't that in Canada?

[someguy]: Word has it, he ate so many clams one night, he turned on the CNN. Then he saw it was just like The Onion. He had hisself a tendency to conjugate and acrymonize everything, so he came up with CuNioN.

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