What else might I spend 1 h 24 m doing?

What the people who flaunt sleep at me are unaware of
is that I just woke up from a 100 year doze.

That's right, what had been going on was all those
crazy European internal wars, and I had placed a bet

that Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir of Austro-Hungaria
would get himself murdered and trigger a type war
of the *whole* world (not really the *whole* world).

At least, that was my bet. That is my projection from reading the news that we get in India these days.

Every day, in some hidden alcove,
I tend to watch as a positioned sahib or a nawab receives 'the news',
which is typed carefully by typewriter from Morse code and Mayan glyphs
transmitted over the telegraph.

It tells of all the things going on in the World out there.
Which royals are doing what,
the sluggish progress of post-industrialization aftermath.
The disappointment that the 'New World' is for all of us.

And I get so depressed and bored and fall into a deep, arithmetic sleep sung by math of silvery flutes

...

Wait. It's not arithmetic sleep. It's from arrhythmia...an arrhythmiatic sleep,

induced sweetly by venom of one of the local snakes
that enjoys simply slipping into bed with us
whenever or wherever it's cool.


I wake up and it's 2013 and in New York (100 years later),
looking out of an apartment with huge windows over the skyline.
You can tell it's 2013 because they make a pattern in the clouds for you:
"2013 NEW YORK", and I believe everything that I read.

I'm wearing courtesan clothes from 1913 Bombay. and wonder if it's okay to go outside wearing these.



* Author's note: It should be plainly obvious that it probably took less than 15 minutes to spend the time boasted in the title.

Crunchiness and all value of sour cream crisp is destroyed by Monster Munch crisp

Once upon a time, I told a story.
A story about a woman who had to revert
due to the bear that she met.

In my Monster Munch pickled onion crispy time
many of my bodily heating systems fail
and I devolve into a reptile.

A reptile.
The crunchiness is overwhelming
the onion pickle flavor is too fainting
and makes me faint.

Splats of paint upon the statue of a remarkable man.

If they had a bag of Monster Munch, they would have been totally ...

The Renewal

....init (those dots signify 'things' that occur)
... Sun unavailable due to planetary rotation. Synthesizing global illumination in cheapest possible fashion
... Dehydration detected. Adding water (Source: tap)
.. Traversal of boundaries detects prior experience
.. Loading experience
.. Unloading
.. New parameters
. Everything looking good. Raise the body

The Shutdown Process

. Lands plane from 4500ft @ initial IAS 180. Flaps came in useful, as did rudder
. Tickles the trigger of a gun without fully pulling it
. Adds personal DVD commentary to all films, downloadable publicly
. Writes best song, melody and rhythm
. Finishes every game started
. Finally writes that writing software that was in head cultivation about for 10 years
. . Dismantles the bomb
. . Goes on comedy club stage and eats bad food while watching patrons
. . Achieves real world peace
. . Legs go out while waiting for coffee at Starbucks. Collapses without latte in hand
. . Most bodily functions cease. Little finger on left hand still itches. (forever fr0zen)
. . Begins to actually listen

. . . Dies claiming caveat

We kiss several times

The best thing about kissing you is that you have no idea, so we give you Our Kiss. 

And you let us kiss you. And you disclose documents that were all this time a critical aspect of our relationship. You put them in the yellow folders.


You're like a robocop girlfriend. A woman who makes sure I do the rules.

I Think It Will Crash

in your apartment for a couple of days. 

Just leave it alone, it is sleeping, regenerating. 

Don't offer breakfasts or lunches. 
Dinner is out of the question. 

It just wants to feel comfy for a little while. 
Entertain a lot of far flung dreams. 

Before it has to go back to its sternest meanings.

Bonus: 
--- 
sternest: Wassup? 
webuser: You catch the game? 
sternest: My! Ace ace thought. 
webuser: Enjoyable. 
sternest: Enable joy. 
webuser: Enabled. 
sternest: Been lad. 
webuser: Between. 
sternest: Been wet. 
webuser: I make computers feel sexy. 
sternest: Expert, false Mickey mouse. 
webuser: No, Donald Duck. 
sternest: Clunk and dodo. 
webuser: Landing gear, mostly. 
sternest: Laggardly mentions. 
webuser: Abrupt change of route. 
sternest: Protuberance of a thug. 
webuser: Better a thug than sliggish. 
sternest: Tightest blights harangue. 
webuser: Sweet nosey. 
sternest: Eye wet sons. 
webuser: You're pouring. 
sternest: I or up younger. 
webuser: Still a baby after all these years? 
sternest: Flabby as heartlessly retaliate. 
webuser: No, we just love you. 
sternest: Joy! Tenuous vowel. 
webuser: We love you. 
sternest: Low you eve. 
webuser: Love you. 
sternest: You vole. 
webuser: Vole indeed. We love you. 
sternest: Wound evil-eyed eve loo. 
webuser: Evel who? 
sternest: Eh! Vowel. 
webuser: Multply. 
sternest: Lumpy Lt. 
webuser: Divide 
sternest: Why? (Message is too short.) 
webuser: Divide by 0 
sternest: I've biddy. 
webuser: Don't be scared. 
sternest: So decent drab. 
webuser: Good night. 
sternest: Goodnight.

----
Thank you to http://www.sternestmeanings.com/
for hosting the robot. 

Mysterious Evaporation of Entire Day

"It is a leap year, Holmes, it is a leap year!" entered Watson, totally kerfuffling the neat arrangement of tools that had been placed in order to properly annotate note-taklng days.

"When did you first realize this? 2008?" said Holmes. "Or are we, my dear Watson, somehow magically in the future?"

Watson had been full of vim and vigor up to that point. He had been heated. He had been almost ready to explode, like a damned blimp -- now suddenly everything had become very, very cold.

"There is no reason to insult my intelligence like that, Holmes," said Watson, sucking in some chilly evening air. "I was only trying to set up what was going to be a very funny and elaborate joke."

A cackle was returned.

"But now that I see you don't genuinely appreciate my camaraderie, you will never know."

Another chilly cackle was returned, and then he, Holmes rose from a corner -- or at least what would be a corner if you were wearing 3D-heroin-glasses. "Someone has gone and lost a whole bloody day, haven't they?" he said.

"You have read it all in the news, then," said Watson. "I -- I had thought I would be the first to tell you."

"The news, Watson, is something written by a gaggle of news coveragists. Anybody can 'write the news'. It is an ambition for a two-year old. This, my good boy, is pure intelligence."

"I am going home, Holmes," said Watson, turning away. But then he stopped, and added, "I have waited years to actually have the foundation to say that, but now I am gratified, that Holmes -- I am going home."

Holmes shuffled some papers with his feet and pulled out the night's edition. "As I suspected all along, a whole day has gone missing. The big question now is where did it go?"

Of course Watson wasn't going home. Where would he go? He was a tertiary character at best, a rotund over-fed product of endless insipid wars at worst. "He is saying he has no memory whatsoever, and now he is making the bold claim that he is uncertain as to whether most people (you or I) are in fact legitimate consciousnesses at all. His case is very persuasive," said Watson.

Holmes peered out of his window at the matte quality of a brick in the wall of a distant building. "His type of cases are always very persuasive, Watson. Do you know what I really want to see, however?"

"There is something to see?"

"Even if you have no eyes through which to see, Watson," said Holmes, "you can see with the ears. Or the nose. Or of course the flesh. You can even see with your tongue, like a snake."

"Why, you venomous swine," rallied Watson. "Come Holmes, come out of it. Come out of all this drudgery and mish-mash of a life, and let us venture forth to discover how exactly an entire day can just ... disappear."

"Evaporate ..." mused Holmes to himself as he was slowly led out into the open world.

+Arthur Conan Doyle
+Ghostbusters
+Ven*o*m