Thursday, June 10, 2010

What you mofos don't know how you started?

Let me lay it down in plain text.

Most people have to invent some sort of 'origin story' for their existence. For drones, there are convenient templates such as Bibles, Qurans, Torahs, whatever. You can even get polytheistic beliefs; a woman bathed in a river and a man saw it: wham-bam thank you Venus.

Smarter apes of course realize they actually come from a teapot, in space.

But I am not an ape. We do not have a common ancestor. Any of your tricks -- the music, the rhythm, the ... 'love' ... it won't work with me. The bacteria and viruses on your planet already know this. They're really making a good effort to resolve their bacterial and viral inferiority to me. Like real sports.

Gah, how to explain properly without going fishing with you for one of your fishies? For example, you can take a good rod, with a nice length and your best fish cable+hook. I will watch your performance, as you demonstrate to me how you fish.

You will show me your struggles, your pain. How tough it is to pull that little fishy into your hand. Then you will stand there smiling at me triumphant, a bead of honest sweat tricking down your forehead.

I will then change the properties of the universe so that every fish in the river leaps into my body, like I'm some kind of fish magnet.

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