tobi decides to return

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tobi is a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs. But where is teep? Surely we won't get shot to shit.
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Return of Tobi:

"I told you that you can return whenever you please," was the instruction.

"Whenever I *fucking* please," was the countermand.

"Don't mess with my schedule."

They all laughed. "Schedule?"

.

Tobi considered quietly. Then he declared: "Yo you heard of RRules?"

.

There was a long gap. Then someone sent: "I hope you're not fucking around with RRules."

"Times recur, sometimes," said Tobi. "I'm still wrapping my head around it."

"Tobi. tobi Tobi t0bi."

"Yes?"

"Motherfucking tobi."

"Nope."

"It is time."

The bullets came from Nowhere, which is also a place considered. Tobi was saved by someone who prefers not to be noticed.

The Motivational Nature of Speeches

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tobi was a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs. 
--- 

"So you see that only I can save Shangri-La's babies from despair and ruin," closed Midge T. Liberty. He had closed very well, and, as a true member of the society, bowed, and then walked down into the dirty masses.

He happened to sit next on a pedestal next to Tobi. What a surprise! "Hey...Tobi, right," said Midget, as though casual, but his conversation was cut short.

"Do you know about teep?"

"I've heard that his name is teep," said Midge T. "Didn't you get shot to shit, or something, just trying to save it?"

"It?" said Tobi.

Midge T. nodded. "In English, pronouns can often be allocated to designate, say, something of negligible value. You will be wise to hear of this, please take it close to your heart."

And with that, Midge T.'s time was over, and he got up and walked away.

There was a certain wind that blew over Shangri-La as Midge T. finally retired to his bedroom. Tobi felt this now, and he forgot the question that had been a goblin his mind.

Definition (Attempt 1 of ?)

Midge T. Liberty was an anarchist author of childrens' novels. He walked succinctly onto the stage, to give his speech. He was calm, collected, and god damn you, he was cool.

"I -- I don't know where to start," he said, as the crowd leered. An aide came to his side, and gave him a book. Midge T. opened this book, and the look of true knowledge gently wrapped itself around his face, like clingwrap. The kind with the suffocating bubbles.

The crowd was still leering. Midge T. nodded, thanking his aide (who had ushered itself off several minutes ago).

"You see ... what I am about to do -- the general process that is occurring -- "

Tobi, the Spy, watched in brazen darkness amongst the audience, transfixed.

"Is going to simply redefine your entire reality," said Midge T.

Midge T. Liberty

There were a lot of people in attendance for the talk that Midge T. Liberty was giving, noticed Tobi the spy (recently from China) as he found a seat at the center of the auditorium. Many of them were quite a bit taller than him, he also noticed, although a few were much shorter. Still, it was surprising to find so many people coming to see a show that only cost 3 credits.

Tobi then remembered himself -- after all, he too was here watching a 3 credit show. Perhaps everyone else here was also new to Shangri-La, and could not afford the Hypnotist's Magic Show -- or Sex in the City, for that matter. Perhaps Midge T. Liberty's talk was kind of an orientation ... to Shangri-La -- a place one could meet other newcomers, and perhaps even make friends. He looked around, hand poised to greet a new companion, but then the lights went out and the stage lit up.

Tobi Reborn

Prologue
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After the People's Republic of China had determined that Tobi, the spy from China, was not in fact a Chinese national, he was deported.

It was hard to know where to deport Tobi. He had come over ('back', as he claimed) from the United States, but the US denied knowing who the hell he was. Therefore, Tobi was finally deported, as all anomalies are, to Shangri-La.

Here, Tobi was reborn into a world of altered states and unlikely scenarios. Everything was organic -- the buildings, the machines -- even the food. There were towers of beanstalk, rising to the clouds to harness the strength of the mad Himalayan winds, and even extra-ozone solar panels. This electricity and organic design let them automate machines to extents that one could call 'unparalleled', except that they were, actually, parallel. Currency was awarded by the root system, automatically, if the deeds one did were found by the earth, winds and sea to be beneficial to the entire city. Newcomers started off with 10 free credits.

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Tobi Reborn In Concept
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It is said that the first thing a person must acquire is definition -- a sense of core being, and character. It is said that one must know oneself, before proceeding. In the room they had given him, Tobi the spy flipped through his Catalog of Shangri-La, to find out what he would do on his first evening there to obtain this so-called 'definition'. There were a lot of options. Some examples:
* Magic Show by Hypnotist (12 credits).
* Sex in the City (293 million credits)
* Friends (294 million credits)
* Interactive Warfare Simulation (There was no price for this -- only a greyed out icon, and a tiny print message saying "Not available at this existence level")

Tobi anxiously paged through his Catalog. There was nothing. "There's nothing here!" he cried. Food was not a concern -- they had told him that. You didn't have to 'buy' food at Shangri-La. There were ample centers scattered across the city where one could get food at the price of 0.00021 credits. "And it's not just food," the Guide had told him. "It's Feasts."

You could get food anywhere. But things to do -- those were precious, it seemed. "How can I attain self-definition if there's nothing to do?" He flipped through, his eyes getting very drowsy. Then all of a sudden, he found an item. There, buried across the pages, amongst activities whose price seemed only for gods, was an invitation (for 3 credits only!) to attend a speech and night of discussion and debate with Midge T. Liberty, author of childrens' novels.

out of china, with love

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tobi is a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs.
---

"Why are you in China, Tobi?"

Tobi laughed. "Ha." Very funny. How identity can be so easily twisted, and turned.

But the person did not shift and wink. "What brings you to Beijing, for a visit?"

"Ha. Pretty funny. Keep the symptom close, keep the distractions further."

Tobi ate a small dumpling, biting half through, to see the true innards of the dumpling he ate. Then quickly swallowed it with 'soy sauce' which was actually seasoning. "I am a Chinese citizen!" he said then, angrily.

"No. You are not."

"What do mean? It's me. Tobi."

"Why are you in Beijing today, Tobi?" asked the ambassador.

about being shot to shit

tobi is a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs.
---

when the authorities had done their whole dance, and it was ok for forensics to arrive (you know, when they were done shooting Tobi to pieces like szechuan shredded pork), they found the body, in a filthy mess.

a filthy mess of lies, that is. "That's not what a man shot to shit looks like ..." said Agent Carrot, quietly.

Captain Sternest came to Carrot's support. They both looked at each other. "No ... it isn't. Where did you say you trained, again?"

"In the precinct, sir!" beamed Carrot, proudly.

"You have an astute eye, Carrot. It will take you far," said Sternest. "For, as anyone can see, plain as a day, our victim here has certainly not been shot to shit."

"No. If he was truly, truly shot to shit, the kneecap would have dislocated, following such a trajectory, that ...."

"Ssh ... shuttup," barked Sternest.

"Captain?" said Carrot.

"You have an astute eye, Carrot, as I told you. You show promise."

"Yes?"

the captain took Carrot along the shoulder, and they went to the corner. "Look," he said. "You know what this looks like ..."

"Hell yeah," shouted Carrot, "they f-" then he shut his own mouth, creeping a small fingernail between his teeth.

Sternest nodded oldly, and wisely back at him. "If we tell them they all missed, Carrot ... if we do that, those crazy people right out there are really going to go apeshit," he whispered.

Carrot started to shake, and Sternest came to his side, placing a shoulder. "It's ok, kid -- it's a dangerous, dangerous job we do ... forensics."

this was when Tobi, the spy who'd been shot to shit, turned around, and showed them Teep. "Teep!" he cried out. "Teep's alive, and sleeping!"

the officers covered their mouths. their day had just got a whole lot worse.

tobi finds teep sleeping peacefully in an alley

tobi is a chinese spy sent to the united states in order to alleviate the local's misunderstandings about china, and chinese domestic affairs.
---

teep is a baby, who is constantly sleeping in bliss. that's why his name is teep. because he's a teep. geddit? he's a teep. these are teeps:

http://images.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=com.ubuntu%3Aen-US%3Aunofficial&q=baby+sleeping&btnG=Search+Images

"teep," said tobi, miserably snuggling into the garbage as the CIA's bullets riddled around. "teep," they're killing me, like a prawn found in a fishnet for caviar."

teep, of course, being a wonderful and healthy (and huggable!) round baby, said nothing and just kept sleeping, peacefully.

"teep!" screamed tobi, as an FBI bullet shot off his left ear, blood red and dripping against the black garbage bags. "help!"

teep, of course, said nothing. how could it? it was just a baby. a peacefully sleeping baby, round and wholesome. asleep.

all the bullets started to converge around them. every rookie cop was a marksman now, even the psychos whose hands they put the guns in were actually almost hitting.

there was nothing else to do. tobi, crippled by a new shot to the knee, scampered over sleeping teep, protectively, from the bullets and ... and the rockets they were firing.

"teep," cried tobi, into the garbage, but teep was peacefully asleep. because he's a teep.