After Causing All Your Havoc and Mistreatment of The Way Turnstiles in Subways are Turned....

the best technique is to turn into a sort of Dickensian lad,
and provide charming yet slide-through responses whenever questioned
by any Men or Women of Authority.

It allows for a level of flexibility ranging from Scrooge,
to the Ring (yes, Ringu), to the Artful Dodger, all played by
a damn fine actor as you.

In fact, you are so fucking flexible, and can reach such a high closet drawer
*before the appropriate time to open everything*
that I may as well just squash all my hopes of surprising you, shouldn't I?
Not just on Christmas morning, but ever.

"Why do you sound like your mum?"

No, I don't. I don't sound like her.

(for some reason, my writing is still in Halloween mode)